Sept 4, 2024 — On Saturday, I received another one of many lovely notes from Contributing Cardie Lauren Rowell. Such a wise, aware, and supportive member of this community, Lauren wanted to let us know that, “September is both National Recovery Month and National Suicide Prevention Month.”
Lauren had a hand in the comforting Meanings of Life design above, so it was not unlike her to send us that thoughtful heads-up. It took me back to the day — exactly two years ago — when she was admirably trusting and open about sharing that she is among the 50 million Americans known to be struggling with mental health challenges.
Before that note arrived in September of ‘22, Lauren and I had had a few good long talks, so it was a shock but no surprise to read, “Next month is my 39th birthday, marking my quarter-century battle with suicidal thoughts/planning/urges.”
Awed by the strength and courage it must have taken to state that, I read on: “My first fully fleshed-out suicide plan would have ended my life on my 15th birthday. While this can easily be viewed as an exceptionally depressing milestone, I see it as an opportunity to celebrate the years not dead but alive. It’s a celebration of every single day that I’ve been able to hold on, no matter how fierce the fight.
“Why am I telling you all this?” she wrote. “Honestly, I’m not completely certain, but I’m praying that you make the most of every day of your precious life. ”
“Make the most of every day
of your precious life.”
Since that first remarkably brave message, Lauren has shown an uncommon willingness to share her thoughts on how caring Cardies might reach out when we sense someone we care for is struggling. How do we best honor another’s emotions of sadness, grief, and anxiety, and how might we go about putting our compassion into words and action?
“We begin by acknowledging hurt,” Lauren says, “we don’t pretend it isn’t there. Simply acknowledging it is a caring and comforting way to remind people that they are both thought of and loved.”
She points out, “Be aware that both physical and mental health conditions can leave one exhausted, struggling to find the energy and emotional stamina for things like simple get-togethers. What I have found connects most deeply with those I write to is to extend a lot of grace for people to come as they are and feel what they feel.”
Lauren wrote the gentle card you see here for a friend, “To meet her exactly where she was and love her with grace right there. No ‘shoulding.’ No fixing. This card conveys exactly what real love and friendship look and sound like to me.”
She proposes, “Let people know they are seen and accepted wherever they may be. Choose to be present for someone who is hurting. Send a note that simply says something like, ‘I am remembering you at this challenging time.’
“You might take this a step further by inviting someone who is struggling to join you in an activity or go somewhere to be surrounded by others,” Lauren suggests, “if they so choose. And then accept their ‘No, thank you’ if it comes. As a person with anxiety,” she shares, “sometimes going out to an event or gathering with even an established group of close friends is downright terrifying for me … but being invited still makes me feel seen and loved. Being thought of matters, whether the decision is to participate or not.
“Which brings up the important point that extending grace means considering ‘No’ a perfectly acceptable response,” she emphasizes. “It’s natural to want to take a loved one’s pain away, but we are not capable of that. And when we press, or try platitudes, or quick fixes (no matter how well-intentioned and thought out) the wound may just deepen and the person may begin to feel like they’ve become no longer a person but a project to you.
“Loneliness and pain are heavy things,” Lauren reminds us, “so feeling seen and cared for makes a world of difference. Gentleness, tenderness, truly loving and seeing the other — all are the actions and words people long to see and hear.
“Some days may be ugly,” Lauren states, “but each one we get through is a victory. Here’s to hope buoyant enough to keep us all afloat — no matter what. May we breathe through the difficulties.”
Jodee Stevens
Founder & Chief Creative
Sept 4, 2024 — On Saturday, I received another one of many lovely notes from Contributing Cardie Lauren Rowell. Such a wise, aware, and supportive member of this community, Lauren wanted to let us know that, “September is both National Recovery Month and National Suicide Prevention Month.”
Lauren had a hand in the comforting Meanings of Life design above, so it was not unlike her to send us that thoughtful heads-up. It took me back to the day — exactly two years ago — when she was admirably trusting and open about sharing that she is among the 50 million Americans known to be struggling with mental health challenges.
Before that note arrived in September of ‘22, Lauren and I had had a few good long talks, so it was a shock but no surprise to read, “Next month is my 39th birthday, marking my quarter-century battle with suicidal thoughts/planning/urges.”
Awed by the strength and courage it must have taken to state that, I read on: “My first fully fleshed-out suicide plan would have ended my life on my 15th birthday. While this can easily be viewed as an exceptionally depressing milestone, I see it as an opportunity to celebrate the years not dead but alive. It’s a celebration of every single day that I’ve been able to hold on, no matter how fierce the fight.
“Why am I telling you all this?” she wrote. “Honestly, I’m not completely certain, but I’m praying that you make the most of every day of your precious life. ”
“Make the most
of every day
of your precious life.”
Since that first remarkably brave message, Lauren has shown an uncommon willingness to share her thoughts on how caring Cardies might reach out when we sense someone we care for is struggling. How do we best honor another’s emotions of sadness, grief, and anxiety, and how might we go about putting our compassion into words and action?
“We begin by acknowledging hurt,” Lauren says, “we don’t pretend it isn’t there. Simply acknowledging it is a caring and comforting way to remind people that they are both thought of and loved.”
She points out, “Be aware that both physical and mental health conditions can leave one exhausted, struggling to find the energy and emotional stamina for things like simple get-togethers. What I have found connects most deeply with those I write to is to extend a lot of grace for people to come as they are and feel what they feel.”
Lauren wrote the gentle card you see here for a friend, “To meet her exactly where she was and love her with grace right there. No ‘shoulding.’ No fixing. This card conveys exactly what real love and friendship look and sound like to me.”
She proposes, “Let people know they are seen and accepted wherever they may be. Choose to be present for someone who is hurting. Send a note that simply says something like, ‘I am remembering you at this challenging time.’
“You might take this a step further by inviting someone who is struggling to join you in an activity or go somewhere to be surrounded by others,” Lauren suggests, “if they so choose. And then accept their ‘No, thank you’ if it comes. As a person with anxiety,” she shares, “sometimes going out to an event or gathering with even an established group of close friends is downright terrifying for me … but being invited still makes me feel seen and loved. Being thought of matters, whether the decision is to participate or not.
“Which brings up the important point that extending grace means considering ‘No’ a perfectly acceptable response,” she emphasizes. “It’s natural to want to take a loved one’s pain away, but we are not capable of that. And when we press, or try platitudes, or quick fixes (no matter how well-intentioned and thought out) the wound may just deepen and the person may begin to feel like they’ve become no longer a person but a project to you.
“Loneliness and pain are heavy things,” Lauren reminds us, “so feeling seen and cared for makes a world of difference. Gentleness, tenderness, truly loving and seeing the other — all are the actions and words people long to see and hear.
“Some days may be ugly,” Lauren states, “but each one we get through is a victory. Here’s to hope buoyant enough to keep us all afloat — no matter what. May we breathe through the difficulties.”
Jodee Stevens
Founder & Chief Creative
Beautiful, meaningful words that touched me deeply.
Thank you, Stacy.
Thank you for the courage it took to share this…
Thanks. I share my story because I want people to know it’s okay to say these things out loud. And I want to lessen the fear of saying the “wrong” thing, which so often just leads to saying nothing. In my experience, what hurts the most is nothing/silence. I’d rather someone say, “I don’t have any idea what to say, but I care.” Silence can feel like either lack of care or fear of the person as an individual because of her differences/struggles.
Thank you for sharing. It takes courage and helps others to find the strength to do the same.
I agree that we cannot take another person’s pain away. That is so true.
I do believe that kindness, love & acceptance often helps people heal their pain.
The message always needs to be that you care.
Too often, especially with social media outlets, the message conveyed if you are viewed as ‘different’ is by making fun of or bullying the person. Ugly behavior towards others should never be tolerated. We must speak up and condemn those actions.
Someday it could be yourself that needs defending.
Absolutely, Candy! So well said.
Lauren’s message came at the perfect time. I’m going to meet a friend for coffee in a half hour–a friend who has been suffering from severe clinical depression for nearly a year. Lauren’s words will help me with my words in greeting my friend. Bless you, Lauren, for the courage you show in facing your pain and the courage you give to those who want to help.
Thank you for your kind words, Mauri. And thank you for investing time with your friend who has been struggling. Your care likely means more than you realize.
Lauren, you have the whole Cardie community wrapping you in love & concern for sharing this struggle. Thank you for reminding us how to reach out to those facing challenges like yours & embracing each day.
Bless you, Mad. I felt such inner warmth as I read your comment. Blessed to be a part of this caring Cardie community.
Thank you, Lauren, for your beautiful story, insights and card- one of my favorites! As a grief educator, I always tell people that each and every one of you grievers are the experts on grief, not me. Grief is so personal and unique, like a fingerprint, so stories such as yours add to the unlimited volume of wisdom we all need to hear and comprehend. Might I suggest a wonderful book for all who are in this community of grievers: It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine, a giant in my field. She also has a podcast by the same title. Her whole slant is exactly what you wrote here, that “grief cannot be fixed; it can only be carried.” I am so glad that you are still here, Lauren, and so open with your journey! May peace and love continue to lighten your days, especially on the darkest ones. Jo-Ann
Thank you so much for your kind words, Jo-Ann. What grace to the grieving to be seen as the experts in a time their world has changed so significantly. Those living “in the midst of” something have an intimate knowing that supersedes academic knowledge. Thank you for the work you do and for sharing a resource you have found helpful along the way.
I am deeply touched by your story, your words and your strength and wisdom in sharing them. Thank you.
Thank you, Suellen.
When I read your words, Lauren, I immediately forwarded Jodee’s newsletter to a family member. Our family includes a sister with mental challenges and her events at this time involve many family members. I love my sister but struggle with how to relate to her. Your insights go a long way in helping me find ways to communicate.
Your words have given all of us an opportunity to grow in Grace. You are a Blessing, Lauren. Thank you. Donna
Dear Lauren,
With our internet down for several days, it was not possible to convey my deep appreciation for Jodee’s thoughtfully written article, “Extending Grace” about Wonderful You!! I am so grateful that important, open background conversation and correspondence were shared that gave greater insight into the continual overwhelming mental challenges you face!! Through all the relentless pain you deal with, you have found a hidden treasure. You have discovered the wisdom which reveals how to grow through those challenges, enriching your life with extraordinary understanding and a depth of feeling for the needs of those laid on your heart. With deep heartfelt love, you have been equipped to resolutely pursue until the solution is found for each of your heart missions. Vicki and I are the forever grateful recipients who learned first-hand of a complete stranger’s (Amazing You) search for your on-point gift filled with all the love and thoughtfulness of your handiwork!! It was such a joy to learn more about your loving dedication in Jodee’s beautifully written July 9th article, “A Heart-lifting Story.”
Lauren, you have touched my heart to its very core!! I love you dearly!! You are in my thoughts and prayers as I thank the Lord for Glorious, Lovely, Beautiful You!! And with all the challenges you face, you have still not only been an unforgettable blessing to Vicki and me, but to over 7,500 dear hearts who have been recipients of your lovingkindness!! God bless you, Dear One!! Much love to you, Sweet Lauren, from Vicki and me, as we send our hugs and smooches to Unforgettable You!!
Love Always!!
Bev Drong
💖💖💖
P.S. I can’t wait to share this article with Vicki!! There are so many similarities between you two in the challenges you both face, the unrelenting pain you both deal with, and the life lessons you both have gleaned!!